This all started because I saw a Goodreads friend post about how they avoid books about characters with Mental Illness. It really upset me, I’m not going to lie. Don’t ignore us, don’t brush us aside. Read about us, support us. Because at the end of the day we’re people too.
Hi I’m Bailey and I struggle with Depression, Anxiety, OCD, and Agoraphobia.
Sometimes I wake up and I get out of bed and everything is fine. I can get things I need done and everything okay. But those days are few and far between. Some days I wake up and it takes every ounce of energy I have to even get out of bed, let alone get anything done. It’s a struggle and I’m pretty much constantly exhausted. Which is bad because I’m an overachiever who needs to do everything perfectly.
Some days are good and some days are bed. That’s just my life. It’s exhausting, I’m not going to lie. Some days I just want to give up and never leave my bed. Some days that’s exactly what I do.
Living with depression and anxiety, especially at my age, is a struggle. A lot of people think I’m a whiny Millennial who is to lazy to own up to what I need to do. That’s a huge lie. I know when I’m being lazy and when it’s my illness. I’m still a person and sometimes I put stuff off because I don’t want to do it or because I’m just over school and don’t want to anymore. I can own up to those days and take the consequences but I definitely know the difference.
It’s such a struggle to live with these illnesses, especially since the illnesses themselves have me second guessing everything. It’s an illness you can’t see and people don’t take me seriously. I’m always afraid to own up to them and say like hey I have these, for fear of the stigma that comes with them.
I’m a sophomore in college with the credit level of a junior, the forum editor of my school newspaper, and I’ve spent both my semesters at school on the Dean’s list. I fight every day to keep this up. I don’t want the stigma to overcloud my achievements. I just want to be me.
Sometimes I wish I had a more substantial mental illness, which is terrible to say I know. But maybe I’d be taken more seriously if I had something different. I hate our generation is brushed off as lazy, sensitive, and whiny. I’m none of those things. And it’s sad that society makes me feel like I’m not sick enough to be taken seriously. I have a few close friends who love me and deal with my illness very well.
But at the end of the day I’m scared. I’m scared one day my crazy will be to much and they’ll all leave. Sometimes I think people are mad at me for no reason or when someone doesnt talk to me for a few days I get panicked they don’t want me around anymore. That’s the hardest part of my illness honestly, knowing something is ridiculous but not being able to convince my brain otherwise. It’s a struggle everyday, to keep my boundaries and beat my illness.
I hope by sharing my story I at least inspire someone to keep fighting or maybe going to get help. Getting help is the best thing I’ve ever done. Is it frustrating? Hell yea it is. Finding a medicine that is right for you can be a struggle and sometimes you can’t even drag yourself to the therapists office. But go. They understand and they want to help you.
At the end of the day, your life if yours. Don’t let anything hold you back. You are you, whether you struggle with mental illness or not. You can do anything you put your mind to, it may just take a while to get there. But I promise it’ll be worth it.